Disconnected in December

     Maybe it was the 3.5 hour drive home from work today, or maybe it was the pretty good fall I experienced before getting in my car…either way I’m feeling a little funny this evening. I don’t typically have such a long commute to and from work, but since the Navy Base closed down at noon {snow! panic!} and we were all sent home..and I mean {we} as in the whole entire Naval Base…at the same time..it took me two and half hours to get off base, and even longer to get back to Chesapeake. Making matters more interesting, as I was walking to my car to leave work, I slipped on a patch of ice and landed on the back of my head and my left elbow. Embarrassing, scary, wet, cold, and painful! As I nursed my throbbing elbow on the way home, I finally was able to pinpoint an emotion I’d been feeling the past couple of weeks.

     Disconnected.  I felt a little satisfaction having finally come to that conclusion..but then really began to reflect on why I was feeling that way. For starters…after 4 years of joining networks ,adding friends, sending &receiving invites, changing relationship status’, perusing newsfeeds, changing my status, liking others’ status, posting pictures, wall-to-wall chatter with best friends, close friends, acquaintances, and people I barely knew.. I deleted {deactivated, because FB is creepy} my facebook.  And boy am I ever disconnected. I don’t know who is having a bad day at work, who is engaged, so & so’s pictures of their trip to Europe, what FB invitations I am missing to different young adult groups, which new relationships have formed, etc. Disconnected and it feels SO good, y’all!! Now—I have to be honest, I absolutely  get the urge to sign back on, and as a photographer, I miss seeing people’s pictures, and I do truly feel like I am missing out on a club. BUT there is a peace, silence and calm that has entered my life. A freedom I have not experienced in 4 years. I am eager to spend more time truly talking to people. And even more eager to end the nosiness Facebook encourages. And! Oh! The free time!! If it was my business to know all the news on FB, those people would surely call me and tell me anything new and important in their life and I would do the same for them. I truly believe that Facebook contributes to the our “instant gratification” culture,  feelings of jealousy and inadequacy—as well as a depreciation of Godly communication. Now, please understand I am NOT knocking facebook users {& I may even return one day} as I understand the wonderful tool it can be. It was just something God had been asking me personally to do…tugging at my heart in a way I couldn’t ignore.

      I have also been feeling disconnected at home. There is quite an age gap between my younger siblings, and while they are truly a blessing… I can’t help but feel out of place. I am SO excited {AKA impatient} to begin my holy vocation, so my heart just doesn’t seem to belong at 260 Marina Reach anymore. My amazing, handsome, holy, Renaissance  Man and I have had quite some difficulty in setting a wedding date and it leaves me discouraged. While I know God is at work, patience has never been my strong suit. That being said, I would wait 4957294 years if I had to in order to marry him. He’s THAT amazing ;)

     And finally, you may have noticed a different type of photographs on my blog recently… My feelings of disconnect have even seemed to attack my hobby. So I’ve been doing a little soul-searching and a lot of praying, and just snapping little details of my life now instead of faces. While I absolutely miss faces, and little ones, and all the fun and work of a photoshoot.. I know I need a little re-charging and re-focusing. Needing to spend time discerning God’s will for ALL aspects of my life :) We are so blessed to worship a God who is desirous of sharing His holy & good will….and that is something I never want to be disconnected from!